30 March 2010. Tuesday - Woke up early this morning, dawn at 4am, think so. I didn't manage to sleep very comfort that night as the heart is bleeding. The numb feeling is still there. Leaning to the wall and just staring to the chair. I'm lost. Yes, I'm very2 lost by that time. There's just too much to be think about. As the heart is still injured. I just sat there and keep losing myself.
I try to brave myself to see the sunshine right this morning. Yes, it's smiled at me. So I'm hiding the pain and try to act normal. I skiped the morning-jog as the heart not really wanna go for that. Then I just went outside of the house, sat with dad n mum beside me. I feel very calm that time while sipping the drink to the last drop.
So, I start my day again as usual but not with in the same mood. Arrived to the office a bit late as the bus move like bloody-numb-hell. 30kmj-40kmj I think. Fcuk with that one! But the boss wasn't there by the time I'm arrived. The boss dont really care also if I come late.
And I was there. Sitting quietly. Clicking here and there. And for a couple of hours after I shout something to my FB account. Try to speak-out what my heart wanna say. There's a couple of comments replied. Dunno how and why and something happened. Seriously, I dont really care for what happened there. As I try to backup what good for my side and suddenly I got blame also. I'm not really into that scene. And STILL i got the blame. Even I just stay sit at my chair, and suddenly the whole day spoiled. Dunno why every single problem that happened much be related to me. Every single problems that happened is being related to me. Why?
I pack-up my stuffs and go home. I don't really care anymore what the boss will say. I close the office at around 12pm today. The boss did call me but I just don't care about it. The family really shocked to see me arrived for home really. That that, I skipped my futsal training. I didn't really pick-up all the calls. I just lock myself in my room. Thanks for MrZZZ for the jokes. He always the when I was down. But I didn't really disturb MrShinyHead as I know that he is not really ok. That what refer to his blog.
And YOU. I think you know how much I really care for you right? How much I love you. I don't really care for all the insults you put on me. As I know that you do that because you love me. With that, thanks you again for the love you gave to me. The love you try to show me. Its just YOU, you're just too PERFECT for me. And I'm really that ashamed with myself.
Snave Guy Lavoie JR