LIFE JOURNAL #90 : WISH I COULD DO MORE

 Jeselton Point Jetty. 8th June, Wed.

 

Too much too think. Missing them badly. Everyone's busy. Biasa. Smua org pun keje. I had not much time to talk in person with everyone around this lately. Except my customer lah yg datang kedai.. hahaha.. Someone dat close to me?? Eh.. tak kot rasanya. I mean I tried, tapi masing2 sibuk ngan keje kan.. I did talk to my car. Heh! wutebaaa~~

My family?? They all just fine but just my dad. Skrg tengah bertarung hidup... I wish I can give him more than just support, more than just sweet-talk, more than just sending n fetching him to the hospital, more than just trying to make him smile at my jokes, more than just saying "You'll be fine dad, dont worry". I wish I can do more than just all dat.. Only God knows how much I'm worried about him. I dun really expect my other siblings will do the same. I remember when daddy in doubt - in silence he asked me, "kalau bapa kena operate, nak potong sikit paru2 n kaji, tidak apa2 kah tu?" By the time he finished the silent-talk to me alone, my heart was like hit by a car. I never expect dat question will came out from his mouth.. Frankly speaking, I never expect this for the rest of my life. I mean I did, but not this operate2 thing and kaji2 bagai.. Bukan bole diambil ringan hal nie.. I did give an advice to him most about everything to keep his health always secure. Jgn suka minum nescafe sangat. Jgn suka tido ngan kipas at level 5. Jgn angkat berat2 sangat. And all other advices I said to him.. When dady asked me dat.. I dunno wat to say other than.. "Erm.. nanti sya tanya abg2 sya yg keja dokter.. minta suggestion diorang.." Dats wat I said to my dad?? I feel bad about it. FUCKING BAD!!! Sya tau apa dalam fikiran abah.. my heart crashed into pieces. I dunno wat to do.. I did sent him to hospital for inspection. Check here n there. Ponteng keja berkali2 dalam seminggu. Argh... Seriously, I dunno wat to say about the decission. All I can do this time is to pray to the God above. Hoping dat big guy will hear me. Still how bout dady's decission??? Arghhhh...

Jerung Rimba Putih.