LIFE JOURNAL #25 : ONLY ME, THE STAR & THE MOON

 

I was there. 

Same mood. 

Same time. 

 And same old place. 

Its been 5 years ago since the last time I went there. 

The day is no more bright for me to see,

No more lights and there's just me, 

Up the hill and just feel the breeze.

Lying on the ground doing the sky-gaze,

To the stars and the moon,

That faraway above.

So I smiled.

And  say thanks.

Deep inside, I'm happy. 

Yes, I'm happy.

 Then he said....

Stop whining and enjoy the life.

 Stop running and accept the fate.

Stop fighting and do not hate.

And stop thinking coz I'm here tonite.

**For once again** 

 **Persuading himself**

**And having his smile**

Gudnite,

JRP aka. JR

Snave Guy Lavoie JR

Syarikat Firdaus Enterprise

Wdt 501, 88905,

Kota Kinabalu, Sabah

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1.03.01

LIFE JOURNAL #24 : THE UNWELCOME DREAMLAND

Feels boring and empty as I woke this morning. Its like I'm lose somethin' but I cant guarantee about it coz dats just my RINDU2-kind of feeling maybe. I woke up 3 times this morning and I've never done such thing before. I woke up and go outside, wondering dis and dat, go survey the kitchen and get back to the room and ZZZZZZZZ summore. Again n again. I dunno but its just dat I dun really have any plan pun for today. In this kepala-hotak is zero other than trying to find out what is the ending to my dream last nite. Yeah. Its been 2 day straight I got a dream. Bukan mimpi basah yer... But still ada jugak ehem2 lah. tapi bila bangun tak basah ok. I dunno whether is a vision for me. Tellin' me dat something good or bad might happen onward. Heh!!! Still enjoying life is the most important!!!

Saturday. I was dreaming about my big bro. I cant recall hows the story started but its end-up like this....

I just got back from KL and arrived KK safety. I got home and unpack the stuffs. And I found abg's handphone in my bag. Heh!!! Pasai apa plak??? With a millions of ??? sign, I end-up the story with pening2 lalat after I woke up... Tryin' to get back 2 sleep again n again just to know the end of the story but its spoiled. I cant really go back into dat dream. And  thats what happened on Saturday!

Sunday. Yeah, dawn this morning. I dreamed the same issue but in different situation. And its my phone dat gone missing. The dream goes like this..

Its happened dat I'm goin' home after a stressful job on dat day. As I climb upstair, counting the stairs one by one. And I fainted there. Heh!!! Tak pernah dalam sejarah cek pengsan!!! Tak kelas sungguh mimpi nie.. cek menchik!!! haha.... Then I woke up naked (dalam mimpi saja noh, bukan betul2) in a room with my EX lying beside me... Heh!!! Watta Fufu!!! Yeah, I'm very shocked!!! But then I feel warm being hugs tight like dat. It reminds me with the OLD-DAYS long time ago!! Aiyoo... I stand up and put my clothes on. AND!!! I found my phone was gone. Phone again??? Then my ex ckap dia xtau... Then I go outside while my Ex pujuk2 me but I dun care pun other than finding my cellphone. The fon got its sentimental value so I cannot accept the lost. Even if my ex dok potpet2 beside me. And my Ex's mate (M) come out all of sudden bringing my fon to me... then M said dat my ex hide it somewhere place.. dunno... and I look deep straight to my ex's face after I grab the fon and then dia gerak menjauhi aku without saying sorry... 

Then I end-up the story after I woke up 5am in the morning. Heh!!! Tryin to get back to sleep as I really want ask my ex WHY.. WHY.. and WHY dia buat camtu.... But I hate to say dat even tryin, still I cannot jump into dat unwelcome dreamland again... FCUK!!!!

I all about our self. No matter what we do, who we love, as long as we stay loving them, then the world will never gonna treat us bad. Leaving doesnt mean we have to forget. Let the memories remain in our heart. As long as you remember then and stick their faces to your mind and heart. I love you all, 4get me for being me coz I'm not dat perfect to stay good. And again, its just a dream. We r the one who draw our own path in life.

Enjoy your Sunday n have a blast.

Much love,

JRP aka. JR

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1.03.01

LIFE JOURNAL #23 : IF I HAVE TO, THEN I WILL

REPEATITION. It's not like everyday I'm happy and I never wish pun supaya tak happy.. I hate repeatition. Yes! I really x1000 dont like repeating something. I mean I dont like to listen to it again n again. We've discussed about it. It's very simple to bear in mind. No option at all. Just gimme your ears to listen. As simple as that. It's not an avoidance but its a must for me to do something dat I enjoy in life. I have my own ambition n sure a passion with what I like to do. It's not like there will be no tomorrow kan.... 

EGO. Yeah!!! I admit this one but not in a wrong way. It's depend to what in ur mind. I dun wanna say dat I'm jealous even if I AM jealous. For an example lah... I dunno wat u're thinking about but as long as it makes u happy then its ok for me. I'll sure be happy too. 

PATIENT. I'll do anything whatever makes u happy. But I'm not a good pretender. Even if it takes me hundred years to be patient for you, than I will.

TOLERANT. I always bear in mind dat I will not start anything dat makes u cry, upset or sort of.. If I have to be tolerate to anybody, then I will. As long as youre there and keep smiling.
 

Its 1.34am ordy n still raining outside. Yeah, I dont feel like wanna crash into my dreamland right now.. i dunno...

***sigh

 

Dreamer,

JRP aka. JR

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1.03.01

LIFE JOURNAL #22 : RUN

Woke up early this morning. Arghh not worth it to think about last nite. I was there but its like I'm not really there pun. Its ok. I'm fine. Used to be like dat before. I mean almost always like dat. Forget bout dat. And I'm kinda bersemangat to go out for work. But damn, its raining  heavy early dawn this morning. Aiyooo~~~ spoil mood sangat kan. Then I continue my sleep. 

But this mornin' I found dat its Ash convocation today. Damn. Apsal Ash tak mention?? He said dat he dun want it to be heboh2 camtu. sort of lah... NO!!! Its not about heboh2, its about celebrating his big day. Its not like everyday we will celebrating something like dat... I dunno. I cannot do much pun as I am too far away to sent something or congrats him face 2 face...  but at least I do all the best for him. Its good to know dat Abg Wawa did spent his time there to see Ash. Haha.. Thank God. Thanks to abg Wawa... See Ash!!! I told u. Its not about heboh2 ke tak but its about the bond. The bond of friendship. This is what frenship really is. They'll always be there whether ure good or not. Happy or not. Sharing is Caring. But its good 2 see youre not alone there. 

Its late to go for futsal now so I better off right now. I mean RIGHT NOW!!! Gotta back home a bit late tonite. I wanna go survey for sports-shoes at pasar budget coz my 3rd time Mount Kinabalu International Climbthon is around.  It will be on 23rd n 24th of October. Damn!!! Neves3!!!  hahaha.. so see you guys then... 

Later.

Much Love,

JRP aka. JR

LIFE JOURNAL #21 : ANOTHER STEPS FORWARD

This morning I was like stupid to stay awake until 3am. Its not like I dun wanna sleep but this eyes dont want me to. Masih segar bugar lagik masa tu. But still paksa juga nak tido, coz its a must. I mean a couples of hour is better then nothing. Yelah, kalo tak tido kang ada yang cekak pingang tunjuk bulu ketiak.. MUAHAHAHAHA~~~~ And as usual, I got another 1 hour to sleep in the bus. Sampai around couples minutes before 10am camtu. Yelah, JR kan 2nd big boss. hehe~~~ Dont really do much except the daily task. I mean the boring one. Then 4.30pm sharp and I'm leaving the building. Home n go for bola sepak. After dat go for jog. Damn I need more stimana.. makin semput!!! ! *&@x*#!@#* sangat2!! Enuf talk! Serious mode please!

And this thing that keep bothering me. I mean it connect so much with my life. My future. And I made my decision. I choose not to choose. I dont need options coz it make my life miserable. Its not like I dun want pun but then I can make my life better by doing so. I made my step. Another step forward. And I hope that I wont be regret for what I've planned for my life.

"When in doubt, take another step."

I still remember those words. And I think dat this is the best sentences to describe with what am I really facing right now. I know dat it will hurt me a bit. But if it can make me happy then I wont stop trying. Never will I. As long as I'm happy, then it would be fine. And now, I've planned ordy and I just have to wait for the right time to start. Just as I planned. Eventho the boss said to me this morning about another big project. It makes me in doubt. Hesitate with my plan. Yeah! Its surely can disturb my plan. But still the offer is better than nothing. 

 

3 days to decide. As the boss mentioned. 

Arghhhhhh~~~~~

Dilemma, 

Jrp aka. JR

LIFE JOURNAL #20 : SOON OR LATER

Dear God, 

Thanks dat becoz of you I can smell future before its happen. I can predict tomorrow before it became yesterday. I wish not to make a wish. But still, its just yesterday. Yesterday. It seems not enough for me. I dun want any options. I dun want any excuses. And I dun wan anything from you. I was there and I'm happy. I tried to avoid. But I dun want to put the blame on you. I know youre there for me. Show them what you've got. I wont hate anybody. I wont do such things. But please, give me a chance to find my missing puzzle. Give me strength for tomorrow. Give me strength for today. And please dun ever take my heart out.. coz I'll find the missing puzzle by myself..

And thanks for loving me, promise is just a promise. Well that's what according to them. Thanks for the good day.

Amen.

Dumb2-guy,

JRP aka. JR

LIFE JOURNAL #19 : LOST

 
 
Its Saturday. So theres no reason for me to wake up early Driving lesson? Nope! Not until 23rd Nov. But still, terbangun awal pagi bebenor tadi. Heh!! Go to the kitchen n make some nescafe n kuar kat kaki lima. The day still dark to see and its cold out there. Then go back to my room. Sit beside the bed for a couples of hours. Listening to my fav jiwang2 music sebelum matahari naik.

MENGELAMUN!!!

After dat, continue doin' my weekend chores. Basuh pakaian, then sidai.  Cuci kasut! Jog? MALAS!!! Got couples of sms. Yes, of coz imma happy. Thanks for makin' me smiles early dis morning. Aftenun? Dun really doing anything pun other then enjoy playing computer game. Resident Evil 5. Abg bising2 kata jgn layan komputer saja. Yelah boring2, nak jugak pam darah kasi high the adrenalin level. Suspen ada, sakit hati pun ada sbab balik2 mati. But I'm enjoy most of the time. Yelah dari asyik pikir pasal hal2 yg tak best. Baik takyah.  

Sometimes its better for u 2 run then to hide. U ran n they maybe cannot catch u. Dun care lah apa sebab. But if u hide, they wont see you, but how long u gonna stay like dat?  If they dont move? Then u just gonna stay there lah forever??? So I made my decision. Whatever best for them, I will let they enjoy thier life.  Its not mine tho so its up to you then. I never stop wishing for other peoples' happiness.  I never wish something bad for them. 

Same like me, I would rather enjoy being me than skit2 nak sakit hati bagai..  Tau lah panas baran kan.  So I gotta be cool for some reason. Its not like I dun care pun, but still I dun want to do anything dat make other people think dat I'M DISTURBING. coz dats ANNOYING. Sure lah tak pasal aku ngamok bila dengar camtu. Yes. I cannot blame anyone pun if dat happen. I shud think much, I mean I must to think much before sayin' something. 
arghhh.... 4get about dat..

Any last words??

Yeah, I think I shud leaving soon and change something in me. Change for better-ness. Kearah kemantapan camtu. Away from Sabah maybe. Dunno lah. I know dat someday I gotta do this.  But now I think I'm..........

LOST!

  

JRP aka. JR

LIFE JOURNAL #18 : ITS TIME TO SAY GOODBYE

 Arghhh.... 

Problem never stop hunting me. 

After my beloved phone was swapped with dat PSP2006.

I had a couples short of time enjoying the gadget. 

And after dat, problem occured.

I'm so miss my E71. 

Damn, how I wish I didn't swap it before.

The dual-shock is broken. Damn! Feel like wanna smash it.

 

 Then this is my E71. Miss it very much. :(

 

 And this is my fon now. Been take care of it 99.9% well.

But I guess its time has come oso . The speaker cannot serve me any sound. 

Damn hate dat!!! When theres a calling in..

I cannot hear them sayin' anything 

Must be the speaker ordy broken or something. Guess so..

Its was like in hell when the boss callin'-in and cannot hear he say anything.

Plus the screen injury.

And I wish to change my fon. And I really love this one.

NOKIA N97 MINI.

Easy for me to update my blog.

 This Nokia N97 Mini looks tasty.

 MISS MY BLACKLY BEAR(E71)!!!

And guess what?? this SHOP sell it cheap.
but its 2ndhand lah.
I dun mind!!! hahahaha....
**texting the shop

Much Love,

JRP aka. JR

LIFE JOURNAL #17 : SOMEDAY MAYBE

I dunno wat happened this lately. 

The heart is here but its not REALLY here.

Things I've struggle lately is a lil' bit clumsy.

I suppose to follow the routine everyday but then..

IT NEVER REALLY WORKS. 

I did do couples of jogs, futsal, soccer n metal-lifting.

Lazy is always in the air. Really need a good attitude on this.

Maybe its bcoz of me, missing people around.

They're keep busy with their job. 

Shud not busy about dat n let them do with their thang.

The routine was well scheduled but y I still missed the time.

Punctual. Maybe that what I need. Nah.. forget about dat one.

The jiwang2 aura is in the room now. I mean everyday oso. 

I know its a bit emo. Damn I dun care.

With dat,  just wanna wish you all the best.

May God Bless You Guys Always.

Amen. 

Gone thru this day with a tough QnA.

Skipped my job again today coz head is about to blow just now.

Aiyoo~~~ Monteng2 keje sajork.

Much love,

JRP aka. JR

LIFE JOURNAL #16 : QUESTIONING HEART

I wish i can start all my day with a big happy smile.

This morning i woke up a bit late. Headache! 

But still I have 2 go 2 work. 

Lewat sampai kedai. Tertido dalam bas bagai..

Yes, I'm sleepy with my head waiting its time to erupt.

Damn I need much time for sleep.

I started things with an arms wide open. 

I welcome every friends, every enemies and every person who have big heart for peace.

I dun really care who they're n what they've gone thru before...

As for me, the past is past and today's gonna be a great to start.

Everyday is a great day for everyone.

So stop spoil ur day for such a simple n stupid thang.

Just be thankful coz you've tested by Him.

And things I struggle so much seem not going to be happen.

Yeah, I struggle a lot in life but this one is still-under-progress lagi kot..

hahahaa.....
I dunno, if it good for me to not-to,
then I wont take any move for that..

I dun expect for it to be perfect. I just want it to end in a good way.

Where I can see my face smiling widely around. 

and my happy heart blooming in love n spread the happiness inside.

If I'm happy n I wish everyone will do the same.

Good luck for the audi!

Good luck for every single things u do.

Good luck

Good luck

And Good luck!!

MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL ALWAYS.

I'll never say goodbye coz I got you all.

Thanks for the bonds.

Missing people around,

JRP aka. JR

LIFE JOURNAL #15 : LIFE'S LIKE THIS

 1230am. So its Tuesday now.

Monday is always be a boring day to start with.

Read some blog and I found this. 

ASH - Life's Like This

A simple guides to choose whether u wanna be a perfect or a loser kind of person.

Thanks Ash for the guides!

I read often and think a lot. I like the way I'm living right now.

I dun really need something dat can make me satisfied. 

But I just want to be happy the way it suppose to be.

Yes, I can be ego sometimes. Most of the time I guess.

I'll said i'm happy eventho I'm not. 

But if that makes other person happy so let it be that way.

I've made my decision. But now its a bit berbelah hati. 

I dunno if I shud proceed with it but yeah.. if I dun .. when??

I heard stories. And it broke my heart into pieces.

I wish to smash things around me. I have my punching bag.

But its late nite ordy. So, let the anger stay inside.

But that doesnt stop me. I'll find every single pieces dat missing. 

And get my heart back! Let the sad story become memories.

The color that shines my life now n forever.

January is almost around and I guess its a time for a changes!

nite!

JRP QUOTE, :

"Banyakkan mendengar, kurangkan menjawab"

Much Love,

JRP aka. JR

MEMORIES #2 : JOANNA AMBER'S 1ST YEAR BEFDAY

I dunno but maybe I'm too busy. And this little princess getting bigger n bigger so fast.
Haha.. masa cepat berlalu kan! So there she is, celebrate her 1st yer befday.
Belated befday  I mean. Thank God I'm happy to have this little chumel.

I guess everyone here oso feel the same as me. There's a couples of pics below.

Low quality of pics coz I'm using hpon. The batteries is out of charge. 

So, cannot use camera. Well, just scroll down please! 

:)

What might she wish if she know how to do it?

No light at the candle?

Shaking hand n sayin', "Thanks aunt for the presents"

She's busy exploring. Korek2!!

Pipi bengkak sangat kan! hahaha....

 

ermmm.... sedapnyer kek~~~

The happy little princess after the party....
She looks very happy during dat day.

 Yes. Gumbira x terkata dia.. gelak trus satu malam.

the Diva pose??? aiyoo...

"Oh yes, I am beau-tea-fool hookay. Jeles huh??"

and the latest one. hehe...

I feel so thanks to have this little cutie pie.

Some of this heart is for her. 

To see her cry is like to hate myself for losing something.

I'll struggle to make her happy. 

May she grow up well n less crying time.

Be strong chumel coz you are one.

Much Love,

JRP aka. JR

A WORDS TO REMEMBER #4 : LUBANG DI HATI

Ku buka mata dan ku lihat dunia

T'lah ku terima anugerah dunia

Tak pernah aku menyesali yang ku punya

Tapi ku sadari ada lubang dalam hati

Ku cari sesuatu yang mampu mengisi lubang ini

Ku menanti jawaban apa yang dikatakan oleh hati

Apakah itu kamu apakah itu dia

Selama ini ku cari tanpa henti

Apakah itu cinta apakah itu cita

Yang mampu melengkapi lubang didalam hati

Ku mengira hanya dialah obatnya

Tapi ku sadari bukan itu yang kucari

Ku teruskan perjalanan panjang yang begitu melelahkan

Dan ku yakin kau tak ingin aku berhenti

Apakah itu kamu apakah itu dia

Selama ini ku cari tanpa henti

Apakah itu cinta apakah itu cita

Yang akan mengisi lubang dalam hati

The Dyin' Star Gazer,

JRP aka. JR

LIFE JOURNAL #14 : SILENT WILL CURE

I dont feel like I'm ok this lately. I need a quality time for myself.

Some peoples dat I knows seem so busy. Of coz they are.

But yeah, I miss em so much. 

But I wont tell them dat coz if they do the same as I do

They'll never forget u. I guess I shud not talk further about this. 

Forget it. Other stories?

Job well done but with a super n a high level of stress-ness around last week coz its Monday ordy now. haha..

Manage to finish em' all AFTER 10pm at night. Damn it.

FCUK i need to find new job.

Going or moving out somewhere else maybe

I guess my time to live alone again shud start before next years.

I'm looking forward to move to KL.

Eventho' parents seem not agree with me..

But if I dont who's gonna do dat? Seriously, I dunno.

I can make a decisions but will I make a right one?

arghhh.. enough with all this thang! 

Saturday midnite. As I lay on the bed, then the You Raised Me Up song is on the air.

Its awful to say that my tears run down my face.

Damn I feel guilty dat time. But after dat I feel so thankful.

Thanks to my mum for raising me up until now.

Without her, I cannot stand this big. Thanks mum.

And this is my 2nd time of being crybaby after Nsi.

And that is after 8 years!! Feel so grateful and thankful.

Coz there's still person around me dat willing to share their love.

Make other happy. Always around n willing to listen to our stories.

Then Sunday is a lazy day. Skipped the prayer. aiyoo.. 

My tutor suddenly called and woke me up for the date. A driving lesson date.

Finish with the driving lesson in a hot day. And directly heading home.

Home. Blackout. Hot day and sweaty.

Damn I slept most of the time and woke up after Joanna Amber is around.

Slapping at my face. Damn. haha...  I knew my sister let Joanna do that.
%!^&@*@)@$#!!!
Go for online until now.

Nah, just surfing for vacancies.
Damn I missed dat steward aka. crew cabin post at MasWings on dat last Saturday.

Damn it. I think the interview will be on 30th September.
How can I miss dat one? FCUK!!

Enough talk. I'm so tired n need to rest coz tough day is around 4 hours ahead starting now.

Good day ahead tho to all.

DAMN I MISS MY BROS... 

WHERE MIGHT THEY BE??

kekwat-ing? :(

Dyin' Star Gazer,

JRP aka. JR